Goddess Inspiration: Rusty Burkus

Candace Exposed: My Greatest Flaw

I’m a young, fairly accomplished, self sufficient sista. I’m very driven, very motivated and very blessed. I made good choices early that resulted in homeownership at the age of 24 and entrepreneurship at 26. I have a strong relationship with God and feel that I’m on the correct path to fulfill my purpose. Because of all this, many of my friends turn to me for inspiration, encouragement and advice.

I recently discovered, however, that the inspiration, encouragement and advice I gave was not all well-received. And I felt exposed when I found out why.

To me, life is simple. Everything happens for a reason, so acceptance of what is is vital. In every obstacle, there is an opportunity for growth. Investing time in being upset, frustrated, angry or defeated is counterproductive. God gives us strengths to help us fulfill our purpose and a testimony to use so that others can see Him in us. In every question, guidance from God for the answer is key.

That’s pretty much how I live my life, which leads me to finding the good in everything and rarely becoming stressed or frustrated about anything.

So, the inspiration, encouragement and advice I give is based on that. And up until recently, it was difficult for me to understand why other people had complications in using these ideals to live their lives. Afterall, it was these principles that provided a roadmap that led me to my accomplishments. And all I wanted was for other people to understand these principles and use them. Insert problem here.

When talking to some of my friends, I gave little regard to their upbringings, past experiences and struggles, all of which helped shape them into their present selves. I only spoke from my experiences, which in many cases, were completely different from theirs. So, when a few of my friends had a hard time accepting some of the things I was saying, I unconsciously became preachy. And as you can imagine, this led to arguments, then resistance, then prolonged periods of silence between us. But I still felt like I was right (which might be the Virgo in me).

Much later, however, a candid conversation with one of my friends exposed me and I learned of my greatest flaw: projection. I project myself onto others.

It’s perfectly fine for me to live my life by the principles outlined above, but I can’t expect everyone else to do it in the exact same way. God gives each of us different experiences, different paths, different journeys, different strengths and different obstacles to shape and use us differently. So, He also, likely, talks to us differently. I learned that I try to project my formula for living and success onto others, when life, in fact, has no formula.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t continue to use my adopted principles to inspire, encourage and advise. It just means that I have to meet people where they are without expecting them to become a carbon copy of me.

What a lesson! So, do you know what your biggest flaw is?

Goddess of the Week: Donna B.

Name: Donna B.
City: CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE & Sisterly Affection, PA
Hobbies: reading, writing, attending art/cultural expos, business seminars/workshops, exercising, dancing, rollerblading, interior decorating, cooking, and shopping
What makes you a fly goddess?: I am a Flyy Goddess. Why??? Because. My FATHER told me so. HE has freed me, saved me and elevated me to new heights. HE has blessed me with so many unique & varied talents. I BRING IT…..like no other. HE is teaching me to fly, so that I may soar. Slowly coaxing me out of my cocoon; and transforming me into the beautiful, rare, and exotic “Better-Fly” that HE knows I can be - allowing me to smell the roses, and taste different “nectars” along the way.
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: I call this my “3 PM” Playbook. PRAY….PRAY….PRAY….MOVE! So many times we pray for guidance, and then we do the OPPOSITE of what we prayed for. Whether you’re praying to become a better parent; to find a committed partner; to remain happily single; or praying for your overall well-being, you have to MOVE in harmony with your prayers. You can’t pray for HIM to guide your footsteps, if you are unwilling to MOVE your feet.

Check out Donna B’s thoughts on her segment "Straight from the Art" at: http://www.stores.ebay.com/shopahhhholiq

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com

Goddess Inspiration: James Allen

I've Learned

I’ve learned that no one will work as hard for me as I will for myself.

I’ve learned that I can accomplish anything with faith and perseverance.

I’ve learned that fear of doing prevents me from learning, growing, succeeding.

I’ve learned that I can not depend on anyone for my happiness.

I’ve learned that I will walk out on a limb for the people I love.

I’ve learned that I can not expect anything of anyone other than myself and God.

I’ve learned that I’m worth a whole lot so I can not settle for a little.

I’ve learned that I can not love a man more than I love myself.

I’ve learned that a situation will keep manifesting itself until the lesson it holds is learned.

I’ve learned that I have to do some things on my own to ensure they get done.

I’ve learned that I have to keep praying until my purpose is revealed.

I’ve learned that I have to keep going until my purpose is fulfilled.

I’ve learned that I’m not perfect, and never will be.

I’ve learned that life is too sweet to be bitter.

I’ve learned that each situation I’m confronted with is an opportunity to make me better, wiser, stronger.

I’ve learned that there’s no point in crying over spilled mike. Just clean it up.

I’ve learned that when the money is gone, character is the only thing left.

I’ve learned that I may never make it on the cover of a magazine, but I’m still fabulous.

I’ve learned that there’s nobody in the world like me.

I’ve learned that I’m a Goddess.

Goddess of the Week: Tiffany H. aka Kaya Cassan

Name: Tiffany H. aka Kaya Cassan
City: Charlotte, NC
Hobbies: reading, writing, yoga, partying, building on random ideas and topics, sleeping
What makes you a fly goddess?: I am fly because I believe I have wings. And, I believe I can make something beautiful out of any situation good or bad; including bad outfits.
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Give yourself at least 15 minutes a day for meditation. Figure out what you like and what you don’t like. Become secretly obsessed with your own needs, wants and aspirations. When you find out something new about yourself, or something you want to accomplish, write it down and read it every day until it becomes reality.

For more information about Kaya Cassan and her book Accidental Bitch visit: http://www.accidentalbitch.com/

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com

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Goddess Inspiration: William Shakespeare

To Hell With A Fan When The Wind Is Blowing

Written after my trip to Indonesia in Fall 2008

One of many quotable lines from the greatest love story I’ve ever read, Love in the Time of Cholera.

I started this book about two months ago, but several factors kept me from completing it as quickly as I do most books. It had a rather complicated beginning, laden with ornate prose, and my complex work travel schedule along with futile attempts to maintain some sort of semblance of a social life kept me pretty busy day and night.

It bothers me, though, when a book lingers for a long period of time. One evening, a glace up from my computer screen to my coffee table caused a bit of anxiety when my mind registered the unfinished book fighting for position next to a stack of papers and unsorted mail. The anxiety didn’t come from the book itself but from the notion that I hadn’t had time to finish it amid the list of other things that fill my days.

So, I simply sighed and promised myself that I would complete it on my vacation in Indonesia.
Let me digress here to explain how I came about taking a vacation to an island halfway across the world. I read another book earlier this year called Eat Pray Love which chronicled an American woman’s travel adventures in Italy, India and Indonesia as she sought to “find herself” after a fairly nasty divorce.

For quite some time, I’ve wanted to take a vacation alone and abroad, and the book’s vivid descriptions of Indonesia’s rich culture and lush countryside left no question about where my destination should be. I let the thought of traveling to an unknown distant land by myself linger in my mind for a few weeks to see if my inner voice would talk me out of the trip. Surprisingly, it encouraged it. So, about three weeks after finishing Eat Pray Love, I started looking for plane tickets and bought one soon thereafter.

So, that was it. After dropping quite a bit of money on airfare, I knew I was committed to going to Indonesia. And I did, on what turned out to one of the most amazing voyages of my life.
One evening in Indonesia, I sat on the balcony of my hotel reading Love in the Time of Cholera as I promised myself I would, and an effortless smile appeared on my face as I came to the line, “To hell with a fan when the wind is blowing.” As soon as I read it, it connected with me because it put into words the sense of freedom that has characterized my life for quite some time.

In an effort to fully explore and appreciate this thing called life, I frequently opt to follow the road less traveled. Less ordinary. Less comfortable. So, if I want to be a lone traveler to a country I’ve never been to, I can. If I grow tired of my job and want to quit before reaching the company’s average length of employment, I will. If I don’t want to get married until later in life, I won’t. And if I want to temporarily move to a foreign country to learn its native language, I might.

Not only did my trip to Indonesia reestablish the importance of balance that my life had recently been craving, it also brought back into focus the belief that I can do whatever I want to, both of which ideals can easily become overshadowed in the rat race most Americans run. My trip left me very thankful that the materials of the world have not lulled me into complacency or confined me to operating on three speeds predetermined by a machine. Instead, I’m as free as the wind.

Goddess Inspiration: Anon

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Goddess of the Week: Donnie B.

Name: Donnie B.

City: Chicago, IL

Hobbies: scrapbooking, blogging/journaling, teaching, daydreaming and traveling

What makes you a fly goddess?: I'm a superheroine who is unafraid to be vulnerable or express my insecurity or fears. I also have my own unique style and have finally figured out what works for my body type and what makes me comfortable.

Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Do not be afraid to take an eraser and start from scratch. The older that we become, the more complacent, predictable and boring we become. My motto is that it is never too late to press rewind. When this software program called life is not working, we have to "refresh, reboot and restart" (a la Erykah Badu).

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com

Goddess Inspiration: Cicely Tyson