"Caught Up" In Excuses

by contributor Sara Bimmel

Have you heard “Caught Up”? It comes from Vivian Green’s new album, “Beautiful,” and if the vocals don’t blow you away, the message behind them definitely will. Green sings with a friend about the process of getting “caught up” in a relationship that isn’t necessarily ideal—in fact, it’s full of flaws, but they can be almost impossible to notice.

To me, “Caught Up” seems to be about perspective more than anything else. We’ve all been in relationships that aren’t right for us, and there’s nothing wrong with that; after all, how are we supposed to find the right people if we don’t first find out what’s not right for us? The problem arises when we stay in those not-right relationships for too long, way past the point when we first start feeling inklings that things aren’t going to work out.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and it’s far easier to realize how dead-end those relationships are once we’re no longer in them. But Green seems to suggest that we can all do more to get perspective sooner. For example, we should all embrace the right to put ourselves and our own happiness first sometimes. Especially if you don’t have anyone else to provide for, you have the privilege of putting yourself first, and you shouldn’t neglect that. Your confidence and happiness matters! Every so often, sit back with a pen and paper and ask yourself if you’re happy in your current relationship. Make a list of its pros and cons, and then think on suggestions for change or improvement that correspond with each con. They might be as simple as dividing up chores evenly or as significant as leaving the relationship entirely. When you finish your list, consider the best options for change, no matter how scary or challenging they are. As you think, make your self-satisfaction and happiness a high priority.

Too often, we’re conditioned to make excuses for a relationship that falls short, telling ourselves that things will get better or that we can fix the problems ourselves. At other times, the situation turns into a blame game, with both sides pointing fingers. But wouldn’t we feel a lot less stressed if we embraced our self-respect and took some responsibility for our own happiness? We all know instinctively that a relationship can’t provide complete fulfillment, no matter how fantastic it is, so I think it’s time that we goddesses start taking responsibility, stop blaming and making excuses, and looking for exactly what we want—because we deserve it!


This post was contributed by Sara Bimmel, who writes about Halloween costumes over at StarCostumes.com.

Goddess Inspiration: Alice Caldwell Rice

Goddess of the Week: Jennifer D.

Name: Jennifer D.

City: Charlotte, NC

Hobbies: I've taken it back to my childhood with recent hobbies of late...I've started roller skating again! On Sunday nights I enjoy skating at a local rink in Charlotte. It is so much fun to get back to the basics and the things that make one happy. I try to emulate the movies Roll Bounce and ATL but I haven't been so successful with that yet! I also enjoy bowling leagues, salsa dancing and volunteer work.

What makes you a fly goddess?: What makes me a fly goddess is what comes from the inside. I've learned in life that no one will believe what you say and what you do until you believe it yourself. Sometimes, you have to remember that what you do in life is not going to please everyone--in fact, the biggest mistake you can make is trying to please everyone. I'm not afraid of sticking out and being different because we were all made special and unique. I keep my head up and my chest out in the good times and the bad.

What advice do you have for women who are trying to free their goddess?: My favorite scripture: Psalm 139:14-"I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." Remember and remind yourself that God made no mistake when He created you! You have to love yourself for all that you are, from your feet to your hair! Be free and fabulous and know that you are a special gift to the world with so much to offer! By knowing this, you will always wear that crown of goodness and free the Goddess that you are!

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com

Interview With A Goddess: Donna B. On Why She Quit Her 9-5

Many of us have found ourselves, at one point or another, complaining about our traditional 9-5 jobs....we don't get paid enough....we're not appreciated....we're not understood....we're ignored....we're not doing what we really want to (or should) be doing.

Donna B. got tired of making excuses. And after many rounds of internal deliberation, she finally quit her job. Here's what Donna has to say about the experience.

What were you doing in your 9-5? When did you quit?: I was employed as a secretary for a local government agency. I set myself free in July of 2009.

Were you financially stable when you quit?: No, no, and a thousand times no :-). I was not financially stable at the time, and I’m still not. I took a major leap of faith. Something came over me, last year, and I felt that I could no longer sit STATIC behind my desk--confined, stagnant, and unfulfilled. I needed to be free. Free to explore. Free to chart my own path. Free to navigate my own journey. Although it is a struggle financially, you’d be surprised how your journey inspires people to give freely. It’s amazing! I’d quit all over again.

What are you doing now?: I recently started a very humorous and “to-the-point” blog entitled, “The Sweet Potato Pie Chronicles” (I bake too), at http://www.sweetpeacee.blogspot.com/ which chronicles my journey, from the time I quit my job until now. I'm also on a quest to feature the dopest, most creative, artistic people I can find in Philly on my blog. Showcasing them will not only add enrichment to my own life, but will also raise awareness of how unique our city is.

I also use my time to volunteer for an organization in Philly called "The Preservation Alliance for Greater Philadelphia," whose sole purpose is to raise awareness on preserving historic land, commercial buildings, and homes. So my plate is quite full….but I’m a hustler….I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What plans do you have for yourself over the next 5 years?: In the next 5 years, I plan to self-publish and release my autobiography that I started writing in 2003 (and finally completed after quitting my job). I plan on making “The Sweet Potato Pie Chronicles” a household name in Philly and showcasing as much local talent as possible. I also plan on purchasing my dream home, volunteering at some of my favorite non-profits, learning to play an instrument or two, retiring and just enjoying life.

What advice to you have for goddesses who are thinking about leaving their jobs?: I’m a major risk taker when it comes to a lot of things in my life. What may seem like a “foolish” risk to others is a “calculated” risk to me. So, if you’re a risk taker, I say, “Just do it”. But if you’re not and want a more conservative approach, I say, "first envision where you want to be, write down your goals, and then start moving towards them." I also suggest that you prepare to leave your job. Prepare mentally, emotionally and financially because leaving a job is a major lifestyle change. Whether you’re leaving to pursue full-time entrepreneurship or switching careers in order to pursue a career that better aligns with your desires, preparation and sacrifice is key. Also take a page from other cultures--European, Asian, Latin. These cultures, from what I’ve seen, strongly believe in sacrificing and pooling their resources together in order to gain higher ground and financial independence – even if it means moving back in with their parents. That’s what I did.

Video: I'm Here

Goose-bumps singing! This performance begs the question, "Does every goddess really know how beautiful and powerful she is?"

Wild Horses: Roberto Dutesco

I just love this image (take by photographer Robert Dutesco) and its versatile meaning.

What does it symbolize to you?

New Goddess Zuri Product: Fahari Ring

SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY PRICE OF $15 THRU APRIL 30TH!!

The Fahari (Swahili for "magnificence") Ring is made using beautiful burgundy beads from Morocco. The story behind these beads is my brother, who lives in Europe, took a trip to Morocco for vacation. He knows how much I love beads and love crafting, so he bought these for me. I don't know exactly what they are, but they're pretty! The ring is also made using cooper wire with a silver coating.

Looks great with everything!

Helpful Hint: Please be sure of your ring size before you order.

**Since these beads came from Morocco, I will only be able to make this ring while supplies last. So, don't put off your purchase!!

Goddess of the Week: Constance J.

Name: Constance J.
City: Chicago, IL
Hobbies: I really enjoy traveling, both internationally and domestically. I love eating at restaurants that offer different ethnic cuisines and concepts. I can appreciate a nice spa trip every now and then and consider myself to be a budding spa connoisseur.
What makes you a fly goddess?: I am really comfortable in my own skin and being who I am. I also hold true to my core beliefs and values--it's pretty hard to get me to budge on things that I truly believe in my heart are true.
What advice do you have for women who are trying to free their goddess?: You have got to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. I also believe you need to be able to laugh at yourself and let your hair down--don't take things too seriously all the time. Enjoy life by exploring new opportunities, surrounding yourself with diverse ideas and people, and by taking risks. Last, but certainly not least, have fun...always: )

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com

Goddess Inspiration: W.C. Fields

Goddess Art: Love Thineself

Love Thineself by Yemonja Smalls

We've probably all heard the saying, "you can't love someone else until you love yourself." But I hope all of us know this saying to be completely true. Yemonja's painting reflects this truth.

I met Yemonja while I was living in Chicago, and I fell in love with her work which uses human forms and bold colors to depict themes of family, love and strength.

The woman in Goddess Zuri's logo is actually a version of one of Yemonja's painting (which we negotiated the rights to :-).

What I love most about Yemonja is that she is a self-taught artist. (She is actually a clinical psychologist by day). She simply recognized her talents as an artist and started creating. Very inspiring.

I think, many times, we get dissuaded from pursuing our passions and dreams because we don't feel like we have enough training, resources or education. But it's amazing what you can accomplish when you've got a positive attitude and a burning desire...a winning combination for self-discovery. Goddess Zuri happens to be a product of that combination.

Listen To Your Life

Listen To Your Life is a very good book by life coach Valorie Burton, but it’s also the lesson that I was reminded of on Monday.

It was the day after I got back to Charlotte from the natural hair show in Atlanta. I was exhausted because I had only gotten a few hours of sleep before getting back up to drive to Raleigh for work. I was running late and rushed as fast as I could to get out of the house. The fast pace at which I was moving carried over to the highway. I found myself speeding on the way to Raleigh, and I remember telling myself, “Candace, you have to slow down. You’re doing too much and you’re moving too fast.” I took a few deep breaths and decided that I would relax a little once I got back. In that moment, I had to make sure I got to my destination at the time I was supposed to for a meeting.

I wish I would have listened to myself because about an hour and a half down the road, I got pulled over for going 75 in a 60. I thought, “it’s ok Candace, don’t panic.” And I stayed pretty calm…until I saw the fine on my citation….$380!! I wanted to get upset. (Actually, I did for about four minutes). Then I simply realized that this was just a really expensive lesson in listening to my life.

I finally made my way to Raleigh and had my meeting. Done. So, I started my trip back to Charlotte.

I stopped about an hour down the road to get gas. While I was filling up, I got on the phone with a friend. Soon after, I got back on the road only to find an hour later that I was back in Raleigh. Yep, when I got back on the highway after tanking up, I went the wrong way because the phone conversation distracted me. I was going in circles. Sigh.

These two events made for a really frustrating day but they also served as a reminder that it’s important for me (and every goddess) to listen to life.

My life was saying, “Candace slow down, or you’ll find yourself moving in circles.” Luckily, I got it. I heard life loud and clear. But what happens when we don’t listen to our lives? Life will present recurring situations until we learn the lesson it wants us to.

So, the best thing we can do is be in tune with ourselves and listen to what life is telling us.

$15 T-Shirt Sale!!!

Goddess Zuri is having a sale on ALL tees. For two days only, get any tee for $15 or less--that's up to a 50% savings.

The "Big Ones" tee (pictured left) retails for $23, but you can get it for $15 thru Thursday, April 15th.

Don't put off your purchase because the sale will be over before you know it!!! http://www.goddesszuri.com/

Freedom of Expression

When I first laid eyes on this lady at the natural hair show in Atlanta this past weekend, I wanted to chuckle. As a matter of fact, I did chuckle because she was wearing every single color in the crayon box. Different, uncoordinated colors appeared around her neck, in her hair, on her wrists, everywhere. But she didn’t think she looked odd…..actually, she knew she was fly. So, her self-assurance got me thinking….what if every goddess knew she was on point?

There were a few women with permed hair that visited my booth, and they mentioned how they wanted to go natural but they were worried about how people in Corporate America would respond. Their concerns sounded all too familiar as my mind drifted back to the time I initially contemplated cutting off my long, permed hair. Many people told me not to do it because of the same fear (so glad I didn’t listen).

A few moments later my mind came back, and I thought about the lady wearing all of the colors. Confidence. That’s really all the ladies who were afraid to go natural needed. (That’s mostly what all of us need). When we make decisions about ourselves based primarily on other folks’ perceptions, we prevent our inner goddess from shining and inhibit our ability to express ourselves freely.

I’ve learned that people will adapt their responses to you based on your response to yourself. When you walk, talk and live with confidence (not arrogance), people's doubts and concerns begin to subside and are eventually replaced with confidence in you.

So, if I ever find myself uncertain about something because I’m heavily considering other people’s sensitivities, I hope I think back to this woman.

World Natural Hair Show: Thank You!

Thank you to everyone who stopped by Goddess Zuri's booth at the Natural Hair Show in Atlanta, GA on Saturday and Sunday.

We got positive reactions to all of the products but especially the Royal-Tees and earrings! Glad you enjoyed those.

Please stay connected to Goddess Zuri and be the first to hear about our sales and specials by 1) visiting our web site (http://www.goddesszuri.com/) 2) subscribing to Free The Goddess blog and 3) becoming a Goddess Zuri fan on facebook.

Goddess of the Week: Anitra T.

Name: Anitra T. aka Golden Lady
City: Charlotte, NC
Hobbies: Music is my passion and my hobby. I’m either creating compilations or mixes for my podcast (The LDub Experience), writing about it on my blog (http://www.itsgoldenlady.blogspot.com/), reading about it, searching for new and interesting artists, listening to it, or simply sharing the love of music with others. Outside of music, you will find me on the dance floor (I love to dance), trying new foods or hanging out with friends.
What makes you a fly goddess?: Having a love of self inside and out and being fearless in everything I do. I also make it a point to surround myself with the people, places, and things that make me happy—and not what’s fashionable or trendy.
What advice do you have for women trying to free their goddess?: Be who you are and love what you see when you look in the mirror. I’d also encourage you to discover your passion in life, and manifest it. I’m a true believer in the saying, "if you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life."


If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com

Goddess Inspiration: Swedish Proverb

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

I was walking in the mall with my parents yesterday when I passed a lady wearing a shirt that said “every cloud has a silver lining.” I smiled as soon as I saw it, and then wondered…..how many people experiencing more cloud than sunshine right now have hope? Remain optimistic? Look for the lesson? Focus on the opportunity?

There’s a quote that goes something like, difficult situations elicit the best in us. They force us to go beyond our limits to recognize our strength, discover new possibilities, gain clarity about our purpose and build character.

So, if you find yourself in a cloud, try to look past the fogginess to find the silver lining. Free the Goddess.

20 Feet Tall

I absolutely love this song off of Erykah Badu's new cd, New Amerykah Part Two....it's about overcoming and conquering and empowerment and enlightenment....It's only got a few lyrics, but they're packed with meaning....and umm, she seems to be talking about love, but the song can be applied to any facet of life. Take a listen.