I was rollin' around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a her?
Would I treat her the same? Would I still be runnin' game on her?
In what type of ways would I want her?
Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body?
Couldn't be out gettin' bogus with someone so godly.
As Common's lyrics suggest, to be considered and treated like a goddess, you need to act like one.
My girl and I were recently at an after-work social that attracted young minority men and women from the city. Being that it was an after-work event, my friend and I assumed that most people attending would be wearing work attire. After we got inside we found that, for the men, this was generally true. But we were a little off when it came to the women, to put it lightly. More than a few of them, we figured, suffered from amnesia because it seemed as though they had forgotten a couple pieces to their outfits at home. As we did a little people watching, my friend and I noticed that most of these underdressed women were walking around aimlessly trying to catch the eye of a few good looking men, unfortunately, not realizing that the attention they sought was really not the attention they wanted.
As women, we know how to use our bodies to get a brotha’s attention, but we erroneously attempt to appeal to only one of his senses, sight. While this tactic is quite successful in garnering immediate attention, its strength is diminished when the next beautiful, half-dressed redbone passes by. So, in effect, all we accomplish is holding his interest long enough to be pegged as pretty hot-mamas that could get the business. The reality is, we may be intelligent recent grads looking forward to climbing the corporate ladder or more established and accomplished businesswomen trying to branch out on our own.
Unfortunately, “everything is judged by its appearance. What’s unseen counts for nothing.” 48 Laws of Power. While I disagree with the quote on some levels, generally speaking, it’s true.
It’s natural for us to want to be noticed from across the room and viewed as sexually attractive, so we most commonly respond to this desire by what we (don’t) wear. Though our desire is being satisfied, we are simultaneously representing ourselves as ungoddesslike- or to put it another way- only good for one thing. So, if we finally engage in conversation with the subject whose attention we were trying to get, what we want to talk about and what he wants to talk about are totally different.
For those young goddesses still sleeping, it’s time to awaken the goddess within and begin using your divine feminine power correctly. A goddess recognizes that more than her body makes her powerful, sexy and in control. She’s noticed across the room because of her confidence, not cleavage. There’s no need for her to bare any goods to get attention because her presence does it all. She’s viewed as intriguing because of her grace, wisdom, sense of balance and clarity of who she is. She understands that if what’s unseen counts for nothing, the elements that make her a goddess will remain in clear view.
A goddess knows that all of these things work in concert to appeal to each of his senses, not just sight. So when he does see her, he’ll know that it’s going to take more than the same old tired game to get her.
Walk this earth for her, glory, I'm grateful
To be in her presence I try to stay faithful
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Tuesday, March 31
Monday, March 30
Goddess of the Week: Artinsia S.
Name: Artinsia S.
City: Augusta, GA
Hobbies: dancing (liturgical mostly), reading (poetry mostly), writing (poetry mostly), running and light weightlifting, Aerobics...ok...anything athletic--- I love it! Oh, and I think I love Chucky Cheese way more than my 5 year old son!
What makes you a fly goddess?: I look at myself in the mirror and I love myself for what I represent, not just how I look. I am thankful that I can take the ministry of dance and spread His love without having to say a word. I try to leave a sprinkle of passion and a peice of my joy with everyone I meet...
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Wow...where do I begin my fellow goddesses? One important step for me is doing a self evaluation every day or so...am I happy with who I am?...with what I am doing with my life?...with who I am in a relationship with? If you're not, then change it. Baby girl, your life is too short and unpredictable to be living it for some one else, so make everyday count for you...much love.
If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com
Thursday, March 26
Tuesday, March 24
Casualty Of War
Two different men. Different upbringings. Different swaggers. Different dreams. Different priorities. Same outcome.
I’ll start by saying that both of them were fine, intelligent, charismatic, God-fearing gentlemen. And in my dealings with them, I convinced myself twice that I knew who I was going to marry. But the outcome of each situation has led me to be more caution with this thought.
The first guy grew up in a conservative, two parent home with traditional values of spirituality and family instilled in him. After college, he pursued his dream of securing a career in sports, and we began dealing with each other a few years after he started on his path. I liked him. He liked me, and we could both see our friendship growing. I should pause here to mention that he had recently gotten out of a year-long relationship with another female close to when we started talking. But the more we talked, the deeper our friendship grew and began to evolve into something more. Things were looking good.
But then things changed when he reached the detour sign posted on his path. His sports career came to an untimely end, and he was left jobless and wondering what to do next. As you can imagine, his ego and self-esteem were deflated. I wanted to be there for him because I perfectly understood what it was like for a person to get a taste of his/her dream only to have it taken away. I tried to keep him encouraged and help him understand that there are multiple portals to realizing a dream, not just one. So even though this particular path didn’t get him to his destination, it didn’t mean that the detoured path wouldn’t. So he job searched, made contacts, interviewed and followed up for months. But nothing led to a job. Consequently, his confidence and sense of purpose fell to the floor as he considered how he would eat and pay his bills.
As his mood changed, the days between our conversations increased and the length of time spent talking decreased. After multiple weeks of this, I grew tired of what our relationship had transformed into and started noticing other changes that left me wondering. Something told me that less time spent with me meant more time spent somewhere else, and I suspected that he had turned to his ex-girlfriend for comfort. Through my own private investigation, my suspicion was confirmed. He was back with his ex-girlfriend, and I had become a casualty.
The second guy grew up without the closeness or support of either parent, so he drew closer to God for understanding and protection. Since he was a teenager, it had basically been him and God. Alone. Much of what our parents are supposed to teach us, he learned from friends and books. This guy possessed so much will and determination to make something of himself that he did. He worked multiple jobs to put himself through college, and while it took him six years to graduate, he graduated nonetheless. And that’s why I was attracted to him. I had known this guy for years, but we reconnected only recently. And after a few conversations, I thought God had revealed to me why the first guy didn’t work out. I felt like we could talk about anything. It didn’t matter if conversations were shallow or deep, we never lost the vibe.
What we began to build, however, crumbled only a short time after we started digging. Dialogue between us began to reveal that he had not completely healed from his past. What his parents, family and ex-girlfriends either did or didn’t do to or for him created walls that he wasn’t quite ready to let down. In conversations he would say that he was over it, but in fact he wasn’t. He derived his identity from his drama-filled past, which obscured his perception of who he really is. He often made comments about how behind he felt in life due to obstacles from his past. And whether he realized it or not, he looked to me to pay the debts of women from his previous relationships. I would soon learn that he became defensive when I asked him what I would consider to be basic-getting-to-know-you questions. He always felt that they were underhanded attempts to pass judgment on him (because others had judged him for most of his life). One of the last conversations we had ended this way.
Even though I provided something different than most of the women he had dealt with, he didn’t treat me any differently because his conditioned mind wouldn’t let him. So, after our brief dealings with each other, he went back into his shell, and I had once again become a casualty.
There are, in fact, several factors that led to each outcome, but one theme was present in both situations that I want to point out. When you decide to deal with a man in his trial and error stage, you will certainly become a casualty of the war he’s waging within. The fact of the matter is, when a man is unhappy with himself, he can’t be happy with you. I also want to point out that both of these men left me to return to the past. The way the mind works is that it always adheres to the known. Even if the known is painful, at least it’s familiar. I do think that a strong foundation with a person can sustain you through periods like the ones mentioned. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to build this with either guy.
I was pretty upset about the way both of these situations ended, so I called an old ex to get his perspective on things, and he gave me some great advice. He said, “Candace, don’t take it personal. You’re not to blame for the way things ended. You just have to keep meeting people and continue moving forward.”
So to all my beautiful goddesses out there, if you become a casualty of war, simply accept it, brush your shoulder off and keep it moving.
I’ll start by saying that both of them were fine, intelligent, charismatic, God-fearing gentlemen. And in my dealings with them, I convinced myself twice that I knew who I was going to marry. But the outcome of each situation has led me to be more caution with this thought.
The first guy grew up in a conservative, two parent home with traditional values of spirituality and family instilled in him. After college, he pursued his dream of securing a career in sports, and we began dealing with each other a few years after he started on his path. I liked him. He liked me, and we could both see our friendship growing. I should pause here to mention that he had recently gotten out of a year-long relationship with another female close to when we started talking. But the more we talked, the deeper our friendship grew and began to evolve into something more. Things were looking good.
But then things changed when he reached the detour sign posted on his path. His sports career came to an untimely end, and he was left jobless and wondering what to do next. As you can imagine, his ego and self-esteem were deflated. I wanted to be there for him because I perfectly understood what it was like for a person to get a taste of his/her dream only to have it taken away. I tried to keep him encouraged and help him understand that there are multiple portals to realizing a dream, not just one. So even though this particular path didn’t get him to his destination, it didn’t mean that the detoured path wouldn’t. So he job searched, made contacts, interviewed and followed up for months. But nothing led to a job. Consequently, his confidence and sense of purpose fell to the floor as he considered how he would eat and pay his bills.
As his mood changed, the days between our conversations increased and the length of time spent talking decreased. After multiple weeks of this, I grew tired of what our relationship had transformed into and started noticing other changes that left me wondering. Something told me that less time spent with me meant more time spent somewhere else, and I suspected that he had turned to his ex-girlfriend for comfort. Through my own private investigation, my suspicion was confirmed. He was back with his ex-girlfriend, and I had become a casualty.
The second guy grew up without the closeness or support of either parent, so he drew closer to God for understanding and protection. Since he was a teenager, it had basically been him and God. Alone. Much of what our parents are supposed to teach us, he learned from friends and books. This guy possessed so much will and determination to make something of himself that he did. He worked multiple jobs to put himself through college, and while it took him six years to graduate, he graduated nonetheless. And that’s why I was attracted to him. I had known this guy for years, but we reconnected only recently. And after a few conversations, I thought God had revealed to me why the first guy didn’t work out. I felt like we could talk about anything. It didn’t matter if conversations were shallow or deep, we never lost the vibe.
What we began to build, however, crumbled only a short time after we started digging. Dialogue between us began to reveal that he had not completely healed from his past. What his parents, family and ex-girlfriends either did or didn’t do to or for him created walls that he wasn’t quite ready to let down. In conversations he would say that he was over it, but in fact he wasn’t. He derived his identity from his drama-filled past, which obscured his perception of who he really is. He often made comments about how behind he felt in life due to obstacles from his past. And whether he realized it or not, he looked to me to pay the debts of women from his previous relationships. I would soon learn that he became defensive when I asked him what I would consider to be basic-getting-to-know-you questions. He always felt that they were underhanded attempts to pass judgment on him (because others had judged him for most of his life). One of the last conversations we had ended this way.
Even though I provided something different than most of the women he had dealt with, he didn’t treat me any differently because his conditioned mind wouldn’t let him. So, after our brief dealings with each other, he went back into his shell, and I had once again become a casualty.
There are, in fact, several factors that led to each outcome, but one theme was present in both situations that I want to point out. When you decide to deal with a man in his trial and error stage, you will certainly become a casualty of the war he’s waging within. The fact of the matter is, when a man is unhappy with himself, he can’t be happy with you. I also want to point out that both of these men left me to return to the past. The way the mind works is that it always adheres to the known. Even if the known is painful, at least it’s familiar. I do think that a strong foundation with a person can sustain you through periods like the ones mentioned. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to build this with either guy.
I was pretty upset about the way both of these situations ended, so I called an old ex to get his perspective on things, and he gave me some great advice. He said, “Candace, don’t take it personal. You’re not to blame for the way things ended. You just have to keep meeting people and continue moving forward.”
So to all my beautiful goddesses out there, if you become a casualty of war, simply accept it, brush your shoulder off and keep it moving.
Monday, March 23
Goddess of the Week: Karmen M.
Name: Karmen M.
City: Greensboro, NC
Hobbies: Reading poetry and novels, and spending time with my family and friends.
What makes you a fly goddess: I am a fly goddess because I am loyal, educated, and beautiful on the inside and the outside.
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Always remain true and loyal to who you are. Don't change who you are in order to appease or to be accepted by others!
If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to freethegoddess@goddesszuri.com
Thursday, March 19
Tuesday, March 17
Goddess Zuri's St. Patty's Day Offer Ends Today!
Today is the last day to get Goddess Zuri's logo tee (pictured above) for only $3.17 when you order $25 or more at http://www.goddesszuri.com/.
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