Fade To Black: A New Label For Men

Fade To Black, you've heard it before....maybe related to a theatre performance where the stage lighting decreases to complete darkness. Or maybe in Jay-Z's song, December 4th, when he says, "maybe you'll love me when I fade to black" referencing his retirement from rap.

Well, Fade To Black now has a new usage, according to the gospel of Candace. It can be used to label men who gradually remove themselves from your life after a series of let-downs, disappointments.

Here's an example of how to use the phrase (which should be used as a noun): You and your girlfriend are at dinner and she's explaining to you how the dude she's dealing with didn't come see her when he promised he would, didn't call her back to confirm whether or not he could accompany her to a show and doesn't make an effort to spend quality time with her. She mentioned that she's brought these things to his attention, but he doesn't seem to get it. You let her vent while you listen attentively like a good friend should. And when she finishes, you simply respond by telling her that the dude is a Fade To Black.

Labeling him a Fade To Black is really meant to indicate to your friend how she should deal with the dude moving forward. A drama-filled break up production equipped with angry text messages, calls and unexpected visits to inquire about why he isn't doing right isn't necessary. She simply needs to stop taking all his calls, responding to every message he sends and gradually stop entertaining her thoughts about him. And no explanation is necessary--because he probably already knows what's up.

One thing to note is that men unofficially label themselves as Fade to Blacks by their actions (or inaction). We officially label them as such when we get tire of being disappointed. Why continue dealing with a dude that can't give you what you want? I've had my share of Fade to Blacks, and the reverberating trend woven throughout my situations was that the men I chose to deal with were in life phases that prevented them from delivering the basics (time, attention, intimacy). Read my posting Casualty of War for more on that. So we weren't aligned (and alignment is necessary).

So, my advice to goddesses would be to ask questions....no matter how much you know he doesn't want to answer them. Find out what his priorities are and where you fit within those priorities. As my friend always says, "know who you're dealing with." ....And if he can't respect that, then his whole perspective is whack...maybe he'll love you when you fade him to black...

(For Nicole)

P.S.-- nine times out of ten, your Fade To Black will be back....but that's a whole 'nother post :-)