"Caught Up" In Excuses

by contributor Sara Bimmel

Have you heard “Caught Up”? It comes from Vivian Green’s new album, “Beautiful,” and if the vocals don’t blow you away, the message behind them definitely will. Green sings with a friend about the process of getting “caught up” in a relationship that isn’t necessarily ideal—in fact, it’s full of flaws, but they can be almost impossible to notice.

To me, “Caught Up” seems to be about perspective more than anything else. We’ve all been in relationships that aren’t right for us, and there’s nothing wrong with that; after all, how are we supposed to find the right people if we don’t first find out what’s not right for us? The problem arises when we stay in those not-right relationships for too long, way past the point when we first start feeling inklings that things aren’t going to work out.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and it’s far easier to realize how dead-end those relationships are once we’re no longer in them. But Green seems to suggest that we can all do more to get perspective sooner. For example, we should all embrace the right to put ourselves and our own happiness first sometimes. Especially if you don’t have anyone else to provide for, you have the privilege of putting yourself first, and you shouldn’t neglect that. Your confidence and happiness matters! Every so often, sit back with a pen and paper and ask yourself if you’re happy in your current relationship. Make a list of its pros and cons, and then think on suggestions for change or improvement that correspond with each con. They might be as simple as dividing up chores evenly or as significant as leaving the relationship entirely. When you finish your list, consider the best options for change, no matter how scary or challenging they are. As you think, make your self-satisfaction and happiness a high priority.

Too often, we’re conditioned to make excuses for a relationship that falls short, telling ourselves that things will get better or that we can fix the problems ourselves. At other times, the situation turns into a blame game, with both sides pointing fingers. But wouldn’t we feel a lot less stressed if we embraced our self-respect and took some responsibility for our own happiness? We all know instinctively that a relationship can’t provide complete fulfillment, no matter how fantastic it is, so I think it’s time that we goddesses start taking responsibility, stop blaming and making excuses, and looking for exactly what we want—because we deserve it!


This post was contributed by Sara Bimmel, who writes about Halloween costumes over at StarCostumes.com.