More Props, Less Drama

I spent the past two weeks in Germany and around Europe with my brother, who is in the US Air Force. One day we drove about three hours to Spandgalem where one of his friend's lives. We spent the day with this friend shopping, eating, and engaging in interesting conversation.

My brother's friend, who is a black male, spent nearly the entire day pointing, looking and smiling at just about every European woman that walked by. He made comments to my brother like, "yeah, I would talk to her" or "she's banging."

As you can imagine, I was amused. And my amusement led to a conversation about interracial dating. (I've explored this topic before in an earlier post.) I made a comment that took the discussion from 0 to 60 in an instant. I said something like, "See, it's black men like you that leave black women in a bind." Why? Because he's black, educated, holds down a good job, comes from a good family, doesn't have any kids or any other apparent drama, yet he's chasing pink toes.

He tried to turn the tables and say that it's black women's fault for not venturing out of their race.

And he's right. We really don't. According to census data, black women are one of the least likely groups to marry interracially. Why? Because we are more inclined to harbor feelings of betrayal to our race for doing so. (I didn't make this up...I read it somewhere.)

Then I thought, maybe it's me. Maybe I need to be more progressive in my thinking. And maybe I do, but I realized that the thing that bothered me most about my brother's friend was that he seemed to ignore the women of color that passed us, zeroing in on the European ones. In the end, the conversation left me a bit defensive, but here are a few things that I learned from listening to my brother's friend.

1. More Props- European women aggressively seek out black men and somewhat prize them. I don't know if this aggression is based on sexual curiosity or simply enjoying a new experience. Either way, you can imagine how this makes black men feel--wanted.

2. Less Drama- We asked my brother's friend, if a white woman and black woman were standing side by side with exactly the same assets and credentials, which one would you pick? His answer, "the one with less drama."

So the bit of useful information that came from the otherwise crazy conversation is that it might not be a bad idea for goddesses to crank up the props. Let men know they're wanted and appreciated. And turn down the drama. Be easy. (unless he's asking for it :-)