20 Feet Tall

I absolutely love this song off of Erykah Badu's new cd, New Amerykah Part Two....it's about overcoming and conquering and empowerment and enlightenment....It's only got a few lyrics, but they're packed with meaning....and umm, she seems to be talking about love, but the song can be applied to any facet of life. Take a listen.

To Get Something You Never Had, You Have To Do Something You Never Did

My mom and dad are notorious for sending forwards; I delete pretty much all of them upon receipt, but my mom sent me one the other day with the subject: Concentrate On This Sentence.

“Pretty compelling subject,” I thought, so I opened it.

The sentence I was being asked to focus on was, “To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” Hmmm. I read the sentence again, slouched down in my couch and let my mind wander.

For love--open your heart, give love, believe in love
For peace--strengthen your relationship with God, pray, accept what is
For happiness--stop comparing yourself to others, enjoy life’s simple pleasures and focus on making yourself a better person.
For money--remove your focus on it, give freely, work in a field you honestly enjoy.

Easy.

As I looked over my own life, however, things got a little more complicated. I asked myself, “What has been evading me?” And without much hesitation, I quietly answered, “intimacy.” I’ve long been a fan of intimacy but haven’t experienced it outside of my immediate family and very close girlfriends. So, I guess I’m talking about intimacy with a male companion (that sounds so old school…but you know where I’m coming from). When I asked myself, “Candace, have you ever loved another person?” The answer was undoubtedly “yes!” Love simply happens. But when I asked myself a follow up question, “Candace, have you ever been in an intimate relationship?” the answer was no.

Then I asked myself, “Is being in an intimate relationship the same thing as being in love?” Thought about it for a few minutes and then answered no. I rationed that one person can be in love with another person, but intimacy can only happen when reciprocity exists. It requires involvement from both people. So then I asked myself if I’ve allowed myself to form a free-flowing (judgment-free), deep and honest connection with another person, a male companion :-)? And as much as I wanted to say yes…the answer was no. Ding ding ding!!!! That’s the part that I’ve never done. (But I must pause here to say that I’ve wanted to with one person in particular). So, I asked myself why I had never opened myself completely up? I’m still working on the whole answer, but a part of it deals with trust.

I will say, though, that intimacy is all encompassing, and love is only one part of intimacy. So, you can love someone and not share intimacy with him. But it’s nearly impossible to be intimate with someone and not love him.

I thought about the whole intimacy vs. love thing a little while longer, then simply resolved that I’ve got some more work to do to set my goddess free. I thanked my mom for sending me an email to get me thinking (but I'm still not a fan of forwards!)

Goddess Zuri On The Move: World Natural Hair Show

Goddess Zuri will be a first time exhibitor at this year's World Natural Hair, Health and Beauty Show in Atlanta, GA on April 10-11 at the Georgia International Convention Center. Booth 222.

The Natural Hair Health & Beauty Show brings together the best in the industry of natural hair and skin care to provide education and training for cosmetologist and barbers as well as free informational workshops for consumers.

Other aspects of the show include an exhibitors' area featuring creative art, handcrafted jewelry, and natural skin/hair care products, as well as competitions for natural hair, braiding, barbering and weaving and a world class natural hair fashion show that keeps you wanting to see more.

Come check out Goddess Zuri's tees, earrings and rings at special show prices!!

Thank You Women's Empowerment

Thank you to everyone who stopped by Goddess Zuri's booth at Women's Empowerment in Raleigh, NC on Saturday.

We got positive reactions to all of the products, but especially the Royal-Tees and rings! Glad you enjoyed those.

If you're going to be at the World Natural Hair Show in Atlanta on April 10-11, please stop by our booth! In the meantime, please subscribe to Free The Goddess blog and become a Goddess Zuri fan on facebook so you can be the first to hear about sales and specials on our inventory.

I'm Good!

Wow! This is just the kind of mood I'm in.....Spring is almost here!! which means it's almost time to shed the layers of clothing (to show some skin), ride with my windows down wearing sunshades and listening to all my favorite songs, drink lemonade on the deck, take walks in the park, wear sandals and put on a bathing suit. I love it!!!!!

Goddess Inspiration: Albert Schweitzer

Fade To Black: A New Label For Men

Fade To Black, you've heard it before....maybe related to a theatre performance where the stage lighting decreases to complete darkness. Or maybe in Jay-Z's song, December 4th, when he says, "maybe you'll love me when I fade to black" referencing his retirement from rap.

Well, Fade To Black now has a new usage, according to the gospel of Candace. It can be used to label men who gradually remove themselves from your life after a series of let-downs, disappointments.

Here's an example of how to use the phrase (which should be used as a noun): You and your girlfriend are at dinner and she's explaining to you how the dude she's dealing with didn't come see her when he promised he would, didn't call her back to confirm whether or not he could accompany her to a show and doesn't make an effort to spend quality time with her. She mentioned that she's brought these things to his attention, but he doesn't seem to get it. You let her vent while you listen attentively like a good friend should. And when she finishes, you simply respond by telling her that the dude is a Fade To Black.

Labeling him a Fade To Black is really meant to indicate to your friend how she should deal with the dude moving forward. A drama-filled break up production equipped with angry text messages, calls and unexpected visits to inquire about why he isn't doing right isn't necessary. She simply needs to stop taking all his calls, responding to every message he sends and gradually stop entertaining her thoughts about him. And no explanation is necessary--because he probably already knows what's up.

One thing to note is that men unofficially label themselves as Fade to Blacks by their actions (or inaction). We officially label them as such when we get tire of being disappointed. Why continue dealing with a dude that can't give you what you want? I've had my share of Fade to Blacks, and the reverberating trend woven throughout my situations was that the men I chose to deal with were in life phases that prevented them from delivering the basics (time, attention, intimacy). Read my posting Casualty of War for more on that. So we weren't aligned (and alignment is necessary).

So, my advice to goddesses would be to ask questions....no matter how much you know he doesn't want to answer them. Find out what his priorities are and where you fit within those priorities. As my friend always says, "know who you're dealing with." ....And if he can't respect that, then his whole perspective is whack...maybe he'll love you when you fade him to black...

(For Nicole)

P.S.-- nine times out of ten, your Fade To Black will be back....but that's a whole 'nother post :-)