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Friday, October 30

Why Can't Strong Women Let Men Lead?

I was talking to one of my guy friends on the phone the other day, and he asked me, “why is it so hard for strong black women to fallback and let a black man lead?”

As soon as he asked this question, my mind immediately referenced the little control issue that I have (ok, maybe it’s a little bigger than little).

But here was my answer:

“Well, I can only speak for myself, but a certain level of drive, strength, control and aggressiveness is required to pursue and accomplish my goals in life. However, I need to learn when to be aggressive and when to fallback…usually that mean being aggressive when it comes to my desires and pursuits and falling back in relationships. Here’s the thing, though. If a guy is asking me to relinquish control to let him lead, he needs to know where he’s going because I’m not really into wandering (unless I’m in the mall). And I need to feel comfortable with letting go. And my comfort comes from knowing that God leads him. If he’s turning to God for strength and answers to life’s dilemmas, then I’m down to ride and let my seat back.”

I know it’s not quite this simple, but do you feel me? At least a little bit? Please let me know and leave your opinions.


Caramelqueen said...

I agree wholeheartedly!!!! I am a Strong, Independent Black Woman who would LOVE to fallback! I don't have a problem submitting, but can not and will not submit to someone who lacks personal direction.

Celeb Locale said...

Im a strong black woman who has allowed the man to lead, but I now realized that you cant fallback with everyman for the reasons already stated-they dont know how to lead, cause they dont know what they are doing nor where they are going. So when I meet the man that is lead by God, and can still make my heart skip a beat, I'll definitely fallback...until then, hear me roar!

Candace Avont said...

Thanks Caramelqueen and Celeb Locale for your feedback!

NEA said...

I think sometimes men want the power, without the responsibility. They think that just because they're men, women are supposed to step back and submit.

I have no problem with biblical submission, to a man who understands and assumes his role with confidence, assertiveness and a total dependence on God. Doesn't mean he's perfect, but it does mean he's on the job.

If you're going to lead, then do the darn thing. If you won't lead, and then get upset because I take the lead (to restore some sense of stability to my life), then we got a problem. But see, I would never marry a man, who didn't have strong leadership qualities. Girlfriends aren't required to submit...just wives.

Candace Avont said...

thank you NEA! I love it!!!!!

donna b. said...

YES YES and a thousand times YES!!!!....especially about the wandering part. Alot of men today have no clue, as to where they are going or want to go in life, and are happy (drifting) through life.

Also, from my childhood experience, I came from a fatherless home...where my father was ALIVE, but ABSENT.....and still is...could'nt even tell you what he looks like.

I think alot of women that come from this type of environment....are taught at a young age, that men are un-available,un-reliable, and inconsistent. When you're used to seeing women, (mom, grandmom) constantly in the driver's seat....taking the become's a learned behavior...and I tend to be the (man) in a have to literally be taught to fall-back in a relationship, and let him take the lead....but, like you said....he must be on top of his order for me to even THINK... about submitting to his headship....GREAT POST!

Candace Avont said...

thanks for that perspective donna b. I always appreciate your input!