Goddess of the Week. Tonica C.

Name: Tonica C.

City: Home of the Cheesesteak, PA

Hobbies: Reading, shopping, listening to music, spending time with loved ones, meeting new people, dancing, going to the park, and body art.

What makes you a fly goddess?: My two beautiful children. These two little people have such a powerful impact on my life. All that I do revolves around them. They are the reason that I had the strength to further my education by going back to school, as well as the reason that I had the courage to get my own business started and make it successful. They give my life a meaning, focus, and a joy that I had no right to expect. I know within myself as their mother and father, that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for them--nothing I wouldn't do to see them smile, no life I wouldn't sacrifice (including my own) to save theirs. They are my moon and stars, my husband and wife, my heart and soul, my Son and Daughter. My children make me a FLY GODDESS !!

What advice do you have for women trying to free their goddess?: Keep GOD and your children at the head of all that you do, and let everything else fall in line behind. All else will fall into place.

For more about this FLY GODDESS, visit www.youravon.com/tonicacarter

Goddess Inspiration: Mary McLeod Bethune

Nikki Giovanni in the QC

Nikki Giovanni was in Charlotte today, and I went to hear her speak. She was amazing as expected.

At the end of her speech, she read her renowned poem Ego Trippin'. As I listened to her, I realized that she was talking about a goddess. And since you're a goddess, she was talking about you.

So my dear goddess, here's what she said about you.








Ego Trippin'

I was born in the Congo.

I walked to the Fertile Crescent and built the sphinx.

I designed a pyramid so tough that a star that only glows every one hundred years falls into the center giving divine perfect light.

I am bad.

I sat on the throne drinking nectar with Allah.

I got hot and sent an ice age to Europe to cool my thirst.

My oldest daughter is Nefertiti.

The tears from my birth painscreated the Nile.

I am a beautiful woman.

I gazed on the forest and burned out the Sahara desert.

With a packet of goat's meat and a change of clothes,

I crossed it in two hours.

I am a gazelle so swift, so swift you can't catch me.

For a birthday present when he was three, I gave my son Hannibal an elephant.

He gave me Rome for mother's day.

My strength flows ever on.

My son Noah built an ark and I stood proudly at the helm as we sailed on a soft summer day.

I turned myself into myself and was Jesus.

Men intone my loving name.

All praises all praises, I am the one who would save.

I sowed diamonds in my back yard.

My bowels deliver uranium.'

The filings from my fingernails are semi-precious jewels.

On a trip north, I caught a cold and blew my nose giving oil to the Arab world.

I am so hip even my errors are correct.

I sailed west to reach east and had to round off the earth as I went.

The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid across three continents.

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal, I cannot be comprehended except by my permission.

I mean...I...can fly like a bird in the sky...

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Goddess Inspiration: Zora Neale Hurston

Dating a Natural Bella

I’ll admit it: I think my hair is fly. My free and chaotic coils undoubtedly add interest and uniqueness to my overall look. People, men and women—black and white, stop me in the street, grocery store, mall and other place just to tell me how much they like my hair.

Now I’m not going to lie, the comments feed my ego and help keep my mind free of relaxed hair considerations. But sometimes I wonder if these people, Black men in particular, would be saying the same thing if they saw me at night.

What they see in the streets, grocery stores and malls is the finished product. They see me after I’ve taken the scarf off, unbraided numerous plaits randomly positioned all over my head and shaken it to make the coils fall or stick out just right. They don’t see the behind-the-scenes work that goes into it. But my boyfriend does.

So, I wanted to get his opinion on what it’s like to date a natural bella. Listen below to what the likes and dislikes about my hair.

Road to Natural: My Hair Story

My hair was dark, relaxed, long and lovely. Whether it was styled up, down or to the side, I got tons of compliments from people about how beautiful my hair was. Honestly, I loved it silky and straight, too, up until I was nineteen. I was a sophomore in college when I started contemplating the idea of going natural. There was something about a short natural crop that I felt conveyed my personality, style and attitude so much better than the straight hair I was rocking. But I couldn’t quite commit to cutting it all off.

After months and months of unsuccessful internal deliberation over what I should do with my hair, I began asking those closest to me what they thought. I quickly found out that they were all were less than excited to hear about my contemplation to go natural. My parents told me not to do it because I would drastically reduce my chances of getting a good paying job. My brother told me I would look like a boy. My girlfriends told me that my long, relaxed hair was beautiful and that I would surely miss it if I cut it off. And my guy friends told me I would never enter a committed relationship with natural hair because most brothers liked long hair that blew in the wind. I was convinced they were right, so for two more years, I visited the hairdresser every six weeks to get my chemical. Deep inside, though, I wanted my hair to be natural.

When I was a senior in college, natural hair was still on my mind. But by this time, I was wise enough to keep these thoughts to myself and not disclose to anyone what I had made up my mind to do. For eight weeks I grew my hair out, and as a present to myself for my 21st birthday, I cut the perm. All off! I had a half inch of hair on my head, and I loved it. And ironically, so did the very people who were initially skeptical. And for the record, I got a great job after school. I didn't look like a boy. I didn’t miss my perm, and I had no issues with men, especially black men.

It took me two years to figure out that my hair didn’t define me. I defined it. It didn’t matter if it was long or short, kinky or silky, curly or straight, light or dark-- I was still a goddess. So, regardless of what hairstyle I decided to sport, it would only be an accessory to the personality I exuded. In addition to this, I learned many other lessons in this process that I want to share:
1. You are the only one who can make decisions about you. Opinions can be nice, but
the last word should always be yours.
2. Don't let people place their own limitations on you. When people can’t visualize a specific change in (or on) themselves, they typically won’t be able to see it in (or on) you.
3. Change is the only thing that’s constant. So, it's ok to make changes.
4. Be confident in what your intuition is telling you. Because it's usually right.
5. Relax. It’s only hair.

Goddess of the Week: Curtrell F.

Name: Curtrell F.
City: Spartanburg SC
Hobbies: working out, reading and looking up anything concerning natural health
What makes you a fly goddess?:I am as free as the breeze. I gravitate toward laugher and repel drama.
What advice do you have for women trying to free their goddess?: Do what feels good to your spirit. You are in control of your life; do not give that gift to someone else's opinion. Like my Dad always says, "if it's to be, it's up to me!"

Goddess Inspiration: Lorraine Hansberry

Interracial Dating: A Black Woman's Perspective

To continue this week's topic of interracial dating, we're hearing from Michelle, a Black woman who only dates Black men. Listen to Michelle as she explains why only a Black man will do it for her.

If you missed the article on interracial dating earlier this week, check it out here. Don't forget to leave your comments!

Interracial Dating: A White Woman's Perspective

This week's topic on Free The Goddess blog is interracial dating. If you missed my article earlier this week, click here to check it out. To add a little bit more interest to this topic, I interviewed Julie, a young white woman who's been dating men outside of her race since she was about 16. Check out the video to hear why Julie favors black men over white men. Don't forget to leave your comments.

Later this week, we'll hear from Michelle, a young black woman only interested in dating black men.

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Interracial Dating: A Hot Button For Black Women

You and your single girlfriends have all gathered at your house to do a little bit of girl talk and share a few drinks before heading out to a lounge.

You look around your living room and notice that everyone is looking pretty fly. Gym workouts were paying off. Outfits were tight. Hair was flowing and fixed just right. And makeup was near perfect.

You finally make you way to the lounge to enjoy live music and the company of good-looking Black men.

Everything started out exactly as planned. You were greeted at the door by security who commented on how wonderful you looked, and as soon as you walk in, heads turn in your direction. You see men commenting to each other, and you know they’re talking about you and your girls. So, within five minutes, you guys are convinced that it’s going to be a good night.

You find a booth to settle down in, and it positions you nicely to see all the fine men and the band. After conversation among yourselves, you and your girls direct your attention towards the stage. As you do, you notice a fine, bald black man sitting at another table. He looks to be about 6’0” with an athletic build and gorgeous smile. His confident energy exudes as he grooves to the sounds of the band. That's him, you think. That’s the guy you decided you have to meet before the end of the night. You spend about five minutes thinking about how you’re going to introduce yourself, and just when you think you’ve got it figured out, a woman comes out of the bathroom, walks halfway across the room, and stops at his table to sit down.

You immediately get ticked off because you realize that your future beau is taken, but your emotions quickly turn into anger when you notice she is white.

Ok. Freeze.

The first question is, why are you mad? Is it because you’re assuming the black man sitting next to the white woman has disregarded all black women and only deems himself good enough for women of other ethnicities?

Are you getting upset because you don’t feel like there are many good brothas left? That they’ve all been taken by white women?

Or is your anger self-directed because of your inability or unwillingness to broaden your perspective when others seem to do it so easily?

According to 2006 census data, black women and Asian men are the least likely groups to date outside their race. Most black women claim it is because of the history of racism and loyalty to their culture that prohibits them from entering into relationships with a non-black men.

I respect that perspective but wonder if it should be altered based upon the reality that black men don’t necessarily see it the same way. Are Black women doing a disservice to themselves by limiting their consideration set to include black men only? I don’t know the answer.

Here's another question. Why do you think he would be your man if he wasn’t with her? I think we are often too quick to anger because we tell ourselves "he could be my man." The reality, however, is he may still not be your man if he was single. He may not meet your standards, have similar values, or carry similar interests. He may have outrageous halitosis or always speak in the vernacular. Both very uncool. All you know when you see him is that he’s fine. That’s it. I’ve met plenty of fine, single Black men, and it didn’t work out with any of them.

Interracial dating is still a very hot button for black women, and we don’t seem to let go of some of the tension until interracial dating hits close to home. If we have a sibling or family member that dates outside of his race, then many times the interracial relationship grows on us. Or if we have a really cool white girlfriend that dates black men, that seems to also be ok.

I can’t say that I’m completely unfazed each time I see a black man with a white woman, but I can say that I’ve come a long way. As goddesses, the next time we find ourselves upset over seeing an interracial couple, we must recognize and identify the source of the anger. We must ask ourselves, “Why am I getting mad?”

Unfreeze.

You take your focus off the bald black man and shift it to a table to the left and another one to the right. You notice two full tables of other men who seem to simply be out for a good time like you and your girls. The anger fades, your smile returns, and your goddess just got a little bit freer.

Goddess of the Week: K.C.

Name: K.C.
City: Somewhere in the South :)
Hobbies: Blogging at http://www.newlynatural.com/, Scrapbooking, Running, Reading
What makes you a fly goddess?: I have confidence in myself and show it. I don't go against the grain on purpose, but do what feels right for me. If what feels right goes against the grain, then I accept it and keep it moving.
What advice do you have for women trying to free their goddess?: Recognize what makes you beautiful; don't rely on others to make that decision for you. When I say beautiful, I am including physical looks, personality, abilities--all of that.

Goddess Inspiration: Billie Holiday

Goddess Beware

Nailah Franklin and I worked together at a well-known ad agency in Chicago. We worked on the same floor but on different accounts. We would often visit each other’s cubicles in the morning to vent about our jobs or our managers and talk about our hopes and aspirations beyond the ad agency. We were also members of the Metroboard (Chicago Urban League Young Professionals auxiliary), so we would see each other at urban league events and monthly meetings.

We didn’t hang out frequently, but Nailah started a book club and asked me to join. So, I did. But I only lasted about two book discussions because I would never finish the books on time. We interacted on this level for the two years that I lived in Chicago. Nailah was very vibrant, fashionable and on the move. After I left Chicago and moved back South, Nailah and I lost touch, and I hadn’t heard her name until one day in September 2007 when an old friend from Chicago told me she had been reported missing.

I couldn’t believe it, so I didn’t. Until I searched online and found several news articles that corroborated my friend’s story. Nailah had left the ad agency and become a pharmaceutical representative. She and her company car had been reported missing after she failed to show up for meetings with her managers.

I followed the story for several weeks until it ended with the arrest of her ex-boyfriend. She was found in the woods, naked and badly decomposed. Nailah was murdered.

I met Nikki McPhatter in 2006 at Dillard’s where we were seasonal employees for the upcoming holidays. I knew the moment I met her that I would like and get along with Nikki because she was down to earth, funny and full of energy.

Nikki and I became fast friends, and looked forward to working shifts together. Our friendship soon expanded beyond Dillard’s and we began hanging out together at picnics, holiday parties, festivals and such. We did this for the entire time we worked at Dillard’s and kept in contact about 8 months after we left. So, we were in contact until late 2007.

I hadn’t really heard Nikki’s name until about a month ago when I woke up to my radio alarm clock and heard the news director of the station reporting that Nikki McPhatter was missing. Again, I couldn’t believe it. So, I didn’t. I thought I was dreaming. But, when I got out of bed, I pulled out the computer and searched online. Again, I found several articles that supported what I just heard on the radio. Nikki McPhatter was missing.

I followed the story for the past several weeks. I spent Memorial Day weekend in Columbia with my family (this was also the last place that Nikki was seen). So, I helped hand out and post flyers on street corners and grocery stores.

I was holding out hope until last Friday when Nikki’s body and car were found in South Carolina. A few hours after the finding, police arrested Nikki’s ex-boyfriend for murder.

Two vibrant, black goddesses who were best described as go-getters, taken by ex-boyfriends.

I don’t know all the details of either story, but I know enough to know that we must be careful about who we date. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. If you suspect a person is being deceptive, he probably is. We can never know how a person is going to react to things or turn out to be, but we must use or instincts and intuition to guide us.

Nailah and Nikki both saw red flags. Nailah had just gotten a restraining order against her killer and Nikki was headed to Columbia to break off the relationship with hers. I’m not sure what went wrong with each encounter, but both of these experiences reveal that we must address red flags early because our lives depend on it.

Goddess Art: Loungin'

Loungin' by Cbabi Bayoc

I don't know exactly what it is about this painting, but everytime I see it, I instantaneously think flyness. Look at this woman's posture and facial expression. Both reveal a cool confidence and a "I-wish-somebody-would-challenge-my-flyness" attitude.

There's something so divine about knowing how fly you are and expressing it through your disposition instead of your words. Actually, its called your inner goddess.

And all women gain the ability to effortless exhibit confidence, grace, sexiness, power, a sense of balance, wisdom and maturity when the goddess within is set free.