Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Tuesday, March 31

To Be Considered A Goddess, Act Like One

I was rollin' around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a her?
Would I treat her the same? Would I still be runnin' game on her?
In what type of ways would I want her?
Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body?
Couldn't be out gettin' bogus with someone so godly.

As Common's lyrics suggest, to be considered and treated like a goddess, you need to act like one.

My girl and I were recently at an after-work social that attracted young minority men and women from the city. Being that it was an after-work event, my friend and I assumed that most people attending would be wearing work attire. After we got inside we found that, for the men, this was generally true. But we were a little off when it came to the women, to put it lightly. More than a few of them, we figured, suffered from amnesia because it seemed as though they had forgotten a couple pieces to their outfits at home. As we did a little people watching, my friend and I noticed that most of these underdressed women were walking around aimlessly trying to catch the eye of a few good looking men, unfortunately, not realizing that the attention they sought was really not the attention they wanted.

As women, we know how to use our bodies to get a brotha’s attention, but we erroneously attempt to appeal to only one of his senses, sight. While this tactic is quite successful in garnering immediate attention, its strength is diminished when the next beautiful, half-dressed redbone passes by. So, in effect, all we accomplish is holding his interest long enough to be pegged as pretty hot-mamas that could get the business. The reality is, we may be intelligent recent grads looking forward to climbing the corporate ladder or more established and accomplished businesswomen trying to branch out on our own.

Unfortunately, “everything is judged by its appearance. What’s unseen counts for nothing.” 48 Laws of Power. While I disagree with the quote on some levels, generally speaking, it’s true.
It’s natural for us to want to be noticed from across the room and viewed as sexually attractive, so we most commonly respond to this desire by what we (don’t) wear. Though our desire is being satisfied, we are simultaneously representing ourselves as ungoddesslike- or to put it another way- only good for one thing. So, if we finally engage in conversation with the subject whose attention we were trying to get, what we want to talk about and what he wants to talk about are totally different.

For those young goddesses still sleeping, it’s time to awaken the goddess within and begin using your divine feminine power correctly. A goddess recognizes that more than her body makes her powerful, sexy and in control. She’s noticed across the room because of her confidence, not cleavage. There’s no need for her to bare any goods to get attention because her presence does it all. She’s viewed as intriguing because of her grace, wisdom, sense of balance and clarity of who she is. She understands that if what’s unseen counts for nothing, the elements that make her a goddess will remain in clear view.

A goddess knows that all of these things work in concert to appeal to each of his senses, not just sight. So when he does see her, he’ll know that it’s going to take more than the same old tired game to get her.

Walk this earth for her, glory, I'm grateful
To be in her presence I try to stay faithful

Monday, March 30

Goddess of the Week: Artinsia S.

Name: Artinsia S.
City: Augusta, GA
Hobbies: dancing (liturgical mostly), reading (poetry mostly), writing (poetry mostly), running and light weightlifting, Aerobics...ok...anything athletic--- I love it! Oh, and I think I love Chucky Cheese way more than my 5 year old son!
What makes you a fly goddess?: I look at myself in the mirror and I love myself for what I represent, not just how I look. I am thankful that I can take the ministry of dance and spread His love without having to say a word. I try to leave a sprinkle of passion and a peice of my joy with everyone I meet...
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Wow...where do I begin my fellow goddesses? One important step for me is doing a self evaluation every day or I happy with who I am?...with what I am doing with my life?...with who I am in a relationship with? If you're not, then change it. Baby girl, your life is too short and unpredictable to be living it for some one else, so make everyday count for you...much love.

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to

Thursday, March 26

Goddess Inspiration: Lou Holtz

Tuesday, March 24

Casualty Of War

Two different men. Different upbringings. Different swaggers. Different dreams. Different priorities. Same outcome.

I’ll start by saying that both of them were fine, intelligent, charismatic, God-fearing gentlemen. And in my dealings with them, I convinced myself twice that I knew who I was going to marry. But the outcome of each situation has led me to be more caution with this thought.

The first guy grew up in a conservative, two parent home with traditional values of spirituality and family instilled in him. After college, he pursued his dream of securing a career in sports, and we began dealing with each other a few years after he started on his path. I liked him. He liked me, and we could both see our friendship growing. I should pause here to mention that he had recently gotten out of a year-long relationship with another female close to when we started talking. But the more we talked, the deeper our friendship grew and began to evolve into something more. Things were looking good.

But then things changed when he reached the detour sign posted on his path. His sports career came to an untimely end, and he was left jobless and wondering what to do next. As you can imagine, his ego and self-esteem were deflated. I wanted to be there for him because I perfectly understood what it was like for a person to get a taste of his/her dream only to have it taken away. I tried to keep him encouraged and help him understand that there are multiple portals to realizing a dream, not just one. So even though this particular path didn’t get him to his destination, it didn’t mean that the detoured path wouldn’t. So he job searched, made contacts, interviewed and followed up for months. But nothing led to a job. Consequently, his confidence and sense of purpose fell to the floor as he considered how he would eat and pay his bills.

As his mood changed, the days between our conversations increased and the length of time spent talking decreased. After multiple weeks of this, I grew tired of what our relationship had transformed into and started noticing other changes that left me wondering. Something told me that less time spent with me meant more time spent somewhere else, and I suspected that he had turned to his ex-girlfriend for comfort. Through my own private investigation, my suspicion was confirmed. He was back with his ex-girlfriend, and I had become a casualty.

The second guy grew up without the closeness or support of either parent, so he drew closer to God for understanding and protection. Since he was a teenager, it had basically been him and God. Alone. Much of what our parents are supposed to teach us, he learned from friends and books. This guy possessed so much will and determination to make something of himself that he did. He worked multiple jobs to put himself through college, and while it took him six years to graduate, he graduated nonetheless. And that’s why I was attracted to him. I had known this guy for years, but we reconnected only recently. And after a few conversations, I thought God had revealed to me why the first guy didn’t work out. I felt like we could talk about anything. It didn’t matter if conversations were shallow or deep, we never lost the vibe.

What we began to build, however, crumbled only a short time after we started digging. Dialogue between us began to reveal that he had not completely healed from his past. What his parents, family and ex-girlfriends either did or didn’t do to or for him created walls that he wasn’t quite ready to let down. In conversations he would say that he was over it, but in fact he wasn’t. He derived his identity from his drama-filled past, which obscured his perception of who he really is. He often made comments about how behind he felt in life due to obstacles from his past. And whether he realized it or not, he looked to me to pay the debts of women from his previous relationships. I would soon learn that he became defensive when I asked him what I would consider to be basic-getting-to-know-you questions. He always felt that they were underhanded attempts to pass judgment on him (because others had judged him for most of his life). One of the last conversations we had ended this way.

Even though I provided something different than most of the women he had dealt with, he didn’t treat me any differently because his conditioned mind wouldn’t let him. So, after our brief dealings with each other, he went back into his shell, and I had once again become a casualty.

There are, in fact, several factors that led to each outcome, but one theme was present in both situations that I want to point out. When you decide to deal with a man in his trial and error stage, you will certainly become a casualty of the war he’s waging within. The fact of the matter is, when a man is unhappy with himself, he can’t be happy with you. I also want to point out that both of these men left me to return to the past. The way the mind works is that it always adheres to the known. Even if the known is painful, at least it’s familiar. I do think that a strong foundation with a person can sustain you through periods like the ones mentioned. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the opportunity to build this with either guy.

I was pretty upset about the way both of these situations ended, so I called an old ex to get his perspective on things, and he gave me some great advice. He said, “Candace, don’t take it personal. You’re not to blame for the way things ended. You just have to keep meeting people and continue moving forward.”

So to all my beautiful goddesses out there, if you become a casualty of war, simply accept it, brush your shoulder off and keep it moving.

Monday, March 23

Goddess of the Week: Karmen M.

Name: Karmen M.
City: Greensboro, NC
Hobbies: Reading poetry and novels, and spending time with my family and friends.
What makes you a fly goddess: I am a fly goddess because I am loyal, educated, and beautiful on the inside and the outside.
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Always remain true and loyal to who you are. Don't change who you are in order to appease or to be accepted by others!

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to

Thursday, March 19

Goddess Inspiration: Charles Sanders Pierce

Tuesday, March 17

Goddess Zuri's St. Patty's Day Offer Ends Today!

Today is the last day to get Goddess Zuri's logo tee (pictured above) for only $3.17 when you order $25 or more at

Tips to Avoid the Chickenhead Syndrome

I’m at the age where a lot of my friends are entering new phases of their lives with long-term, committed relationships blossoming into engagements and marriages. So, as you can imagine, the most common topic of conversation among my single girlfriends involves some aspect of dealings with men.

Just recently a group of my college buddies and I got together to catch up on a range of things. We started with family updates, then moved to work drama, and of course ended with dating dilemmas.

I sat back in silence as one of my girlfriends, who happens to be young, attractive and accomplished, described her situation.

She’d been in an on-again-off-again relationship with a guy for over five years but hadn’t been able to totally commit to him for a variety of reasons. First, she didn’t feel like he was capable of having substantive conversations with her, thereby, starving her mind of food for thought. Secondly, she felt as though he was emotionally and financially unstable from being unable to jumpstart and maintain a steady career. Third, she found him to be a little boring. And fourth, he didn’t give her butterflies. And according to her, in five years, he never had.

As I listened to her, it appeared pretty evident that she and this guy lacked chemistry and didn’t belong together. And it seemed silly to me that she would continue dealing with someone knowing that it wasn’t working. I started thinking to myself that this situation would have an easy diagnostic, and we would quickly move on to the next girl’s dilemma.
But then she threw us a curveball.

She admitted to the group that she understood that this particular guy didn’t meet the majority of the criteria she had for a prospective mate. But she was hesitant to let him go because of his potential. Due to his college successes as an athlete, she knew where he was capable of being in two years or so, and she wanted to be there with him. Meaning, she knew the possibility existed for this guy to make a lot of money in a sports-related career, and she wanted to enjoy the lifestyle that came with it.

At this moment, I was kinda confused. Was my friend really telling us that she was stringing this guy along until his potential transformed into something kinetic? The first thing I wanted to blurt out was that she probably missed five opportunities at true happiness waiting on this dude whose potential may remain just that.

But I didn’t say anything. None of us did. And my friend kept talking.

She confessed that while she was waiting on him to get it together, she’d made new friends—friends that were more financially stable, charming and capable of having thought provoking conversations that required an opinion. But then she pointed out that these guys were either too short, too light-skin, too fat or too ugly.

That’s when it dawned on me. My girl had the Chickenhead Syndrome. I was in disbelief that I actually had a close friend in her late 20s who still used the same superficial qualities as criteria for a mate that we used in high school. For clarity’s sake, the definition of Chickenhead I’m referring to, as described in popular culture, is an around-the-way girl who isn’t about anything and often digs for gold.

This description doesn’t fit my friend completely, which is why I say she has the syndrome, or a group of symptoms that characterize the Chickenhead condition. The truth, though, is that she is not alone. And luckily, there is help for my friend and all other women affected by the Chickenhead Syndrome. If you or someone you know has been afflicted, simply follow the tips below.

Tip 1: Know ThyselfIt isn’t until you become a student of yourself that you can truly know yourself. And it isn’t until you truly know yourself that you can accurately know what you want in a mate. Establishing and living by core values will help define your character and help you understand what you are willing and unwilling to compromise in a relationship. Obviously, my friend doesn’t know herself well enough to know that the guy she’s been dealing with for five years will probably never make her happy.

Tip 2: Treat Thyself. To put it simply, money isn’t everything. It won’t give you great conversation. It won’t protect you. It won’t listen to you when you’ve had a bad day. And it won’t help you raise moral and socially responsible children. And quite honestly, I don’t know why anyone would waste five years waiting on someone to come into some money when they have their own. But then again, that goes back to knowing yourself. Women should grow accustom to treating themselves (to a vacation, spa treatment, movie or whatever) so that money and the what-can-he-do-for-me attitude don’t become dominant focuses of your thoughts, freeing your mind to see what he’s really about.

Tip 3: Reverse the Role. Think about how you would feel if a guy who knew you were less than what he wanted decided to string you along until you made it as a top model or top executive at your company. Or maybe you were mostly what he wanted but were too short, too fat, too light-skinned or too ugly.

Studies show that women who followed these tips saw results in as little as four weeks. However, if you don’t see improvements this quickly, simply repeat the steps until desired results are achieved. And soon enough you'll see how easy it is to set your goddess free.

Sunday, March 15

Goddess of the Week: Shannon B.

Name: Shannon B.
City: Charlotte, NC
Hobbies: working out, reading, cooking, dancing
What makes you a fly goddess?: I am fly because I say I am. Being comfortable with the unique and extraordinary person God created in me makes me a goddess.
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Wear yellow when everyone else is wearing black--Sing out loud whenever you feel like it--Dance even when the music stops--Be the prototype--Don't be afraid to create your own standards and watch your perfect self evolve.

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to

Tuesday, March 10

Goddess Inspiration: Christian D. Larson

Monday, March 9

Goddess of the Week: Lashawn H.

Name: Lashawn H.
City: Kernersville, NC
Hobbies: running, writing, bargain shopping, trying new hairstyles
What makes you a fly goddess?: I'm just super comfortable with myself. So-- I walk, talk, think, engage, etc with confidence because I'm ok with me.
Advice for women trying to free their goddess: Find the number one thing you love about yourself and project it. If you love your creative side, seek opportunities to release your creativity into the world. You'll be surprised what you attract when you set your goddess free.

If you would like to be considered for Goddess of the Week, please send a photo along with the answers to the above questions to

Sunday, March 8

What Are You The Goddess Of?

I was watching Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane on television a few days ago (I know, a guilty pleasure), and during one of the breaks a particular commercial stood out among the bunch. It was that of Gillette’s Venus razor which boast the statement, “Every woman is a goddess of something.” Now, I’ve been referring to myself as a goddess for quite some time, but this commercial made me ponder about what I am the goddess of.

I had soon forgotten about what was happening on Kimora and found myself in deep thought. I decided that whatever it is that I’m the goddess of should be summed up in one word and encompass the essence of me. Whew, not exactly an easy task.

I continued thinking...confidence...that’s it! I would call myself the Goddess of Confidence. Afterall, I had been referred to as a confident individual by friends and family members since I was a little girl. I was always the one who would set out to do the unthinkable (or unattainable as some would put it) and develop a plan to achieve my goal. But after thinking some more, I decided that I didn’t want to be remembered as the Goddess of Confidence. Yes, this was true about me, but it didn’t necessarily embody enough of the person I am.

So subsequent thoughts lead me to love. I’d call myself the Goddess of Love because I’ve often found myself in unwanted situations all in the name of love. But that thought only lingered for a minute before I admitted to myself that I have a lot more to learn about true unconditional love before I could comfortably don the title. And besides, Venus and Aphrodite already have claims on this one.

Then multiple words began streaming through my mind. Goddess of….mediation, logic, focus, sassiness, honesty, tenacity, determination, hustle. I started to get frustrated because all of these words only described a small part of who I am. So, I took a break from titling myself and returned my attention to the show.

As soon as I did that, it came to me in such an easy, unforced way. Light. I am the Goddess of Light.

My mom and aunties used to tell me that I light up a room when I enter it. They would say that it’s never hard to notice me. I credit this light to my personality. Ironically, my co-workers, church family, classmates and volunteer buddies have all agreed. The interesting thing, though, is that their comments reveal my representation of light on several levels. I’ve been notoriously known to shed light or uncover a different perspective on topics of conversation. I credit this light to my search for wisdom. I’ve also been told that there is a light that radiates from my very being. I credit this light to my relationship with God. And interestingly enough, my name, Candace, means “bright, glittering light.”

So from now on, I won’t simply call myself a goddess, but instead the Goddess of Light. And “this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.”

So, what’s your word? What are you the goddess of? If you know it, declare it. If not, discover it.

Sunday, March 1

Contact Us

Contact us to give feedback and suggestions about our blog, submit an article or say hi!


About The Blog

Free The Goddess is a blog project aimed to discuss topics and share stories that reveal how the relationship women have with themselves affects their ability to release their inner goddess in friendships, romantic relationships and life, in general.

Every woman has an inner goddess, a divine feminine power that allows her to be sexy, graceful, in control and balanced—without effort. But many times she gets suppressed from thoughts about the past, disregard for the present and anxiety over the future. This is the year to change that. The quest starts now.

Read our articles, post comments, send suggestions and submit stories of your own. And together we will take steps to set our goddesses free.

Please send your stories to